Last year, during prayer and praise, we sang a song with the lyrics "Where you go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay. When you move, I'll move. I will follow you." I loved the song, and I wanted the words to be true, but I often felt like I was lying. "What if God calls me to leave leave school, and travel somewhere I've never been? I couldn't do that, my family would think I was crazy. Every one would think I was crazy. Leaving a full tuition scholarship? I would be crazy." or, maybe worse, "What if God asks me to leave school to help out my family? I couldn't give up my education for them. They wouldn't want me to, and, after all, this is my life." But this life isn't mine, it wasn't mine, and I knew that.
The distance between the head and the heart, however, is much greater than the eye would discern. I knew that I should surrender my life to Jesus, but I couldn't seem to bring my heart to the point of letting go. This summer, however, God has brought me there.
I think started with 2:24 and our college Bible study. All through the gospels, Jesus' words rose off the page. "Follow me." Just two words, but they issue the greatest challenge I'll ever face. "Follow me." Not "follow me when...." or "follow me if....". Just, "follow me." I began to see the urgency of obeying Christ; I began to understand that His commands are literal. Then, I discovered that following God isn't a new idea.
When I finished the four gospels, I started back at Genesis. With Noah and Abraham, I witnessed individuals who chose to follow God, even when His commands seemed crazy. (I want you to build an ark and collect a zoo. Seriously?) In Exodus and Numbers, I found an even more astounding example of what it looks like to follow God, and what happens when we don't. My favorite passage there is Numbers 9:15-23 (HCSB).
On the day the tabernacle was set up, the cloud covered the tabernacle, the tent of the testimony, and it appeared like fire above the tabernacle from evening until morning. It remained that way continuously: the cloud would cover it, appearing like fire at night. Whenever the cloud was lifted up above the tent, the Israelites would set out; at the place where the cloud stopped, there the Israelites camped. At the LORD's command the Israelites set out, and at the LORD's command they camped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they camped.The later story of how Israel responded to the scouts and refused to enter Canaan (and, consequentially, lost the opportunity) impressed upon me the significance of my refusal. Saying, "I cannot" is rebellion against God, and a choice against the blessings of His plan. Through this realization, God changed my heart.
Even when the cloud stayed over the tabernacle many days, the Israelites carried out the LORD's requirement and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud remained only a few days. They would camp at the LORD's command. Sometimes the cloud only remained from evening until morning; when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out. Or if it remained a day and a night, they moved out when the cloud lifted. Whether it was two days, a month, or longer, the Israelites camped and did not set out as long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle. But when it was lifted, they set out. They camped at the LORD's command, and they set out at the LORD's command. They carried out the Lord's requirement according to His command through Moses.
I do not think that I am called to leave school (at least not right now). I do not know that I am called to live my life in another country, or give up my degree and my desire to teach. Right now, I have peace that I'm in the right place, doing the right thing. But, that may change. The cloud may stay for a day, a month, or ten years. When it moves, however, I want to move with it. Where He goes, I will go. Where He stays, I will stay. Where He moves, I will move. I will follow Him.
If I ever tell you that God is commanding me to go somewhere or do something, but I'm too afraid, you now have the responsibility to remind me of these stories.
